Formation of self

I'm reading an essay in a book entitled "Multiculturalism" by Charles Taylor. He leans heavily on Rousseau to discern what is culture and what is self and where they meet.

Rousseau said that unhealthy "other-dependence" (e.g., clinginess) actually serves to isolate a person. A healthy form of this, which he doesn't refer to as other-dependence, binds one with those around them in a common purpose. Paradoxically, the latter case is where one finds oneself.

My wife filled me in on this paradox in parenting theory, that if a child is left to themselves to develop a sense of self, they will constantly hang around with adults rather than other children. They aren't able to enculturate themselves with other kids, and presumably this is damaging as an adult. On the other hand, if their parent attaches emotionally with the child, they won't grow up to be clingy (unless it's overdone). They will enculturate to parent/family, other children, then the broader world.

Anthropologically, and perhaps deeper, theologically, humans are to find their self and their identity in community. If I were raised by wolves (as some no doubt think is the case), I would be seen as less than human by those who discovered me. I wouldn't be able to talk or interact as normal humans do. But after interacting for a suitable time, I would become more human.

How do I discover my giftings and passions? Only by exposing myself to people (not like that) and activities. For instance, I could have the potential to be a great carpenter. But if I'm not exposed to chisels, routers, planers, and wood, I'll never know if I could work with wood or enjoy it. The same is true of more intangible interactions. Am I a people person? An introvert? Who knows unless I interact with others? I don't like the idea of telling a kid they can be anything they want when they grow up. But I do like the idea of exposing them to all sorts of wonderful ideas and activities. Then they get to discern their gifts and calling based on their knowledge and experience.

Some philosophers say we shouldn't refer to ourselves as "human beings" but as "human becomings." We are most certainly defined by our interactions with our communities. If I had never met Susan, I would be a radically different person, and probably a sniveling, desperate one. But if I believe myself to be a human "being" in a core sense, I have a boring existence ahead of me. It is through interaction with a community that I learn who I am becoming and what our community is becoming.

So theologically, it is through this communal becoming that I discover my truest, most human self.